As the title suggests, the time has come to fast forward to the new bedroom. More specifically the bed. And even more specifically the mattress.
And this my friends could be where I disappoint you.
I know, I know – we belie our approach to the middle years but all good things come to those that wait.
For us, mattress purchasing over the years has gone a bit like this :
- cheapest (1st home)
- still cheapish (2nd home)
- something with a bit more oomph (3rd home)
But I don’t mind admitting that my tender little structure is starting to notice what it’s laying on.
I can feel every spring, bump and lump perfectly.
If Sleeping Beauty thinks she had it rough – she ought to come and try a stint on our mattress. Peas will be the least of her problems.
Maturity and Mattresses
It could be said that sometimes one emerges from the bed feeling as though they have been folded up and jumped on.
For this reason, there are now requirements. The new mattress has to be :
- mindful of orthopaedic matters
- suited to the health of a discerning 40 plus year old
- available in superking size
- able to withstand the vibration that can occur when one person is snoring (one for Silentnight to crack perhaps?!)
So for us there can be no more of this cheap mattress lark.
It has come to the time where quality must out.
We have moved from the age where a mattress is just an aside.
So where do we start on this mission.
There are a couple of mattresses that have caught my eye.
Mattresses for the discerning, dieting, fragile bodied sleeper.
As with all good things, there is a price tag.
Some it would seem have a remote control too.
Very comfortable indeed. But also very over budget. £15,000 over budget to be precise.
As luck would have it, the couple of mattresses that have caught our interest are actually are at the lower end of the more expensive scale.
I suppose we have to see that as a positive.
And then there will be pros and cons to all.
How To Purchase A Mattress
Mattress and bed shopping is a new one for us. We would have just ordered online in our carefree past.
But now we are the people you see in the adverts lying on the beds.
I have to say it’s not a preferred way of shopping.
There are many other people doing the same thing. I was surprised by this.
There is something quite submissive and awkward about having a conversation with an assistant or salesperson when you are flat on your back.
It’s bad enough in the doctors but at least you don’t have to buy anything.
Let’s face it, there is nothing normal about shopping like this. It doesn’t lend itself to the social etiquette system that Brits so stiffly observe.
And as for reading body language …………well ………………….. who knows what these people are told on their training courses.
What they must certainly be prepared for (and will also no doubt need counselling for at some point in their career) is well ………………………….. people like us!
People that crack funnies. In those situations.
When a British person feels exposed and uncomfortable they crack a joke.
Sadly for the assistant they will no doubt have heard the sodding joke so many times that they probably want to jump on your head.
Yet they exercise such restraint.
As it turned out on Saturday, the assistant exercised such restraint that her face didn’t even move.
Not a twitch.
And I was really funny.
Actually I lie. I wasn’t funny at all. In fact, I can’t believe I was so unfunny.
There is probably nothing worse then being unfunny and then laughing at your own joke. That’s just embarrassingly cringe worthy and uncool.
I’m happy to concede on that one.
Yet this assistant was hard core. An old timer. Long service.
So when she asked me if I needed any help with anything.
I am mortified to admit that I did say ‘yes, getting up please’.
And for that I really did deserve a whack round the head with her clipboard.
And another whack for laughing.
Couple that with Iron Man likening himself to Lenny Henry and talking about the Premier Inn and you will get just how unsatisfying work can be for these people.
It’s the sort of thing our parents would have done at our age. And that is PRECISELY the problem.
So I have to take my hat off to these people because it has to be one of the jobs where you must spend most of the day wanting to put a hypo-allergenic pillow over someone’s air sprung head.
I imagine I will probably be remembered as the unfunny woman with OCD.
Although I care not about the OCD part.
There is NO way my head is laying on the same pillow that someone else has had their bonnet on. Especially on a Saturday afternoon in Oxford Street.
And so I put a newspaper down first.
I am probably the only person to do this but it is certainly a practice I would encourage.
Think about it.
So ……. Which Mattress?
I digress. I apologise.
We are leaning towards Memory Foam mattresses.
More research is needed, not least because I’d be interested to know what sort of things they remember.
It seems a little odd to me that when everyone else seems to be losing their memory, the mattress is suddenly coming up trumps.
And then there are the small matters like – they can get really hot and they can make you sweat (yep that again!).
The research is now underway so if anyone has any recommendations in particular, please do share.